253 – Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris

Those who struggle with codependency often struggle with anger as well…but not in the way you might think. Unlike ragers or those with explosive anger, codependents tend to stuff and suppress anger to please others and avoid conflict…often not even knowing what they’re feeling themselves. This is just as unhealthy!

We need anger to guide us towards our needs and connect us to our experience. Anger, when expressed in a healthy way, can also lead to healthier relationships as we begin telling others how we feel and resolving problems before they turn into resentment. 

Today, I’m talking with Michelle Farris, a licensed psychotherapist and anger management specialist, who is sharing her experience of learning to own and communicate her anger. She talks about how codependency forms, why feeling our anger is important and how to begin overcoming the fear of conflict and expressing yourself in relationships.

Listen to discover:
 

• Concrete examples of what people pleasing looks like
• The importance of validating emotions
• Beginning recovery from codependency 
• How to catch the first thought and regulate anger (while still owning it)
• How to communicate your anger in a healthy way

Anger is such an important human emotion…I think of it as rocket fuel to propel us towards what we want. When we’re codependent and don’t know ourselves, anger can be a key way to tap into our core needs and desires. It’s not selfish to look inward…and what you tap into inside of yourself might surprise you. 

“Whenever we hit a road bump, I always remember there’s going to be a huge gift on the other side of that.” – Michelle Farris

“Healthy anger is us owning how we feel in the moment.” – Michelle Farris

“When we stuff our anger, we’re denying our own experience.” – Michelle Farris

“I think of anger as rocket fuel. It really helps to push us forward in life.” – Michelle Chalfant

“We don’t cross the finish and feel 100% healthy. We are all a work in progress. But the thing you want to be doing is making sure you’re walking forward on your journey.”  – Michelle Chalfant

“As you get healthier, you will attract healthier people into your circle.” – Michelle Chalfant