273 – Summer Series: Unlearning Codependency with Darlene Lancer

As you know, codependency is one of my “things.” Fortunately, it’s less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it’s like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That’s part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I’m passionate about helping you get free…quickly and simply! 

My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today’s show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you. 

Listen to discover: 

• The three stages to codependency recovery
• The shame and codependency connection
• Shame attacks and how to get out of them
• The importance of mindfulness in recovery
• How to start feeling your anger as a codependent
• The connection between codependency and attachment styles
• 10 ways to love yourself

Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin…and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves.

“We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves.” – Darlene Lancer

“Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered.” – Darlene Lancer

“A parent’s most important job is to reflect their child.” – Michelle Chalfant

“Codependency is based on faulty beliefs.” – Darlene Lancer

“The unconscious doesn’t distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself.” – Darlene Lancer

“When we realize what’s going on, it’s like Act 2. And it’s a very exciting time.” – Michelle Chalfant