273: Summer Series: Unlearning Codependency with Darlene Lancer
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Episode Summary
Codependency can keep us so focused on others that we slowly lose connection with ourselves.
In this episode, I’m joined by Darlene Lancer, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and expert on codependency and relationships. Darlene has worked with couples and individuals for more than 30 years, and she brings so much wisdom to this conversation about what codependency looks like, how it develops, and how we can begin to recover.
We talk about the connection between codependency and shame, how shame attacks can pull us into old patterns, and why mindfulness is such an important tool for healing. Darlene also shares the three stages of codependency recovery, the connection between codependency and attachment styles, and why learning to feel anger can be a powerful part of reclaiming yourself.
This episode is also a beautiful conversation about self-love. Darlene closes the episode with 10 practical ways to begin loving yourself, which is something many of us know we “should” do but may not know how to actually practice.
If you have spent years overgiving, people-pleasing, focusing on others, or trying to find your worth through relationships, this conversation will help you understand codependency with more compassion and take the next step toward becoming a healthier, more whole version of you.
Key Takeaways:
Codependency can cause us to lose connection with who we really are
Many people live with codependency for years without realizing what is happening
Codependency recovery happens in stages and begins with awareness
Shame and codependency are deeply connected
Shame attacks can pull us into fear, self-criticism, and old beliefs
Mindfulness helps us notice our patterns instead of becoming consumed by them
Codependency is often connected to attachment wounds and early relationship patterns
Learning to feel anger can help codependents reconnect with boundaries, truth, and self-respect
Self-love is a practice that can be learned step by step
Recovery is not about becoming selfish. It is about becoming whole, healthy, and connected to yourself
Codependency Recovery
Codependency recovery is the process of coming back to yourself after years of focusing on other people’s needs, emotions, approval, or reactions. In codependency, we often look outside of ourselves for safety, validation, love, connection, or worth. Over time, this can create exhaustion, resentment, shame, and a deep disconnection from who we really are.
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469: Overcoming Codependent Habits
466: Taming Your Control Freak
341: How To Stop People Pleasing and Codependency at the Holidays
Resources
Darlene Lancer Website
https://www.whatiscodependency.com/
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