264 – Why Codependency Is Controlling & How To Heal It

Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us…in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense). 

But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife’s love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy. 

Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I’m giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, “I’m codependent. Now what?”

Listen to discover:

• How we improve our relationships with others when we’re codependent
• Why this is different than intentional or abusive control
• Five steps to break the pattern of codependency 
• Why realizing you’re codependent isn’t a bad thing

If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren’t trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life…one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self!

“We’re controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place.” – Michelle Chalfant

“We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That’s how it’s manipulative and controlling.” – Michelle Chalfant

“We need someone who can fact check us.” – Michelle Chalfant

“That’s why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day.” – Michelle Chalfant