Michelle Chalfant | The Adult Chair | 319 – The “How Tos” of Deep Connection with Graham Chalfant
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319 – The “How Tos” of Deep Connection with Graham Chalfant

We live in a world that’s both more connected and more disconnected than ever. With things like Zoom, FaceTime and social media, we can get in touch with others with the click of the button. 


But we also have an epidemic of loneliness. We scroll by each other without really engaging with each other. Even in our most intimate relationships, we can easily find ourselves co-existing without connecting at the heart level. 


The busyness of our world will naturally cause us to drift apart from each other without intentional effort, so a few years ago, my husband and I started building small “rituals of connection” into our week. These are moments – like our weekend coffee chats – that we’ve set aside to be fully present with each other and share more vulnerably, authentically and from the heart.


During one of our recent coffee chats, we had a beautiful conversation about how we can create more connection in our relationship with each other and others, and with Graham’s permission, I recorded our conversation to share with you all.


In this conversation, we talk about the power of intentional connection, how important true connection is for maintaining trust and happiness in relationships and how you can build moments of connection into a busy schedule. Graham shares one of his favorite tools to take a conversation deeper and how this tool can help people who might feel threatened by intimacy begin to flex their vulnerability muscles and move into a deeper relationship with their partner.


Listen to discover:


  • How you can build rituals of connection into your relationship
  • Exercises to get the conversation flowing and create deeper connection
  • How to build up your ability to share emotions
  • Ways to encourage your partner to share their emotions more
  • Staying centered even when having a tough conversation
  • The power of masterful listening and responding instead of reacting
  • How to create more safety in your relationships


It’s so easy to work and live alongside others but never really connect. If you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship or surrounded by people but still feeling lonely, this is why! 


But with small, intentional steps, we can totally transform the nature of our relationships and find those soul connections we’re all looking for. This episode gives an inside look into how two normal, busy people are practicing this together, and I hope it encourages you to start this journey with the ones you love – friends, family, partners, anyone! 


“Drop inside and…drop below the chin. Get curious about what’s going on in the body.” – Michelle Chalfant


“If you can’t identify [the emotion], just get the sense of what’s going on in your body and share that.” – Michelle Chalfant


“Expressing that is easy for everybody, and it’s a great opening to deeper conversations.” – Graham Chalfant


“If we as humans had ideas about the range of emotions that we can feel, we would say more than, ‘I’m mad, sad, glad, afraid or ashamed.'”  – Michelle Chalfant


“We have so many emotions we can feel, but we’re not brought up to feel more emotions than those typical five.”  – Michelle Chalfant


“See if you can’t sit down with the person in your life and just touch base with a couple words.” – Graham Chalfant


“It would be a huge improvement for most couples and people in relationships to touch base once a day or a couple times a week.” – Graham Chalfant


“We’re getting in the habit of exchanging energy in this way.” – Michelle Chalfant


“You want to always own your experience…that is a much more open way of inviting in that other person to discuss it versus putting that person in defense.” – Michelle Chalfant


“Swooping in and fixing when someone feels bad is the worst thing that you can do for a relationship.” – Michelle Chalfant





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