314: Healing our Abandonment Wound with Susan Anderson

May 12

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Rejection is one of the deepest fears we experience as humans. Even the smaller rejections, like not getting the job, not making the team, or feeling left out, can hit something tender inside of us and make us question our belonging, our worth, and whether we are truly lovable.

In this episode, I’m joined by Susan Anderson, a psychotherapist and leading expert on abandonment recovery, for a powerful conversation about why rejection and abandonment can feel so painful. Susan began studying abandonment after her own personal experience of being suddenly left by the love of her life. Even with her years of experience as a therapist, she found herself in an emotional crisis, questioning herself and her worth.

Through her healing and research, Susan discovered what she calls the primal abandonment wound. This wound begins with our earliest experience of separation and can create shame, fear, and a lifelong search for belonging. When rejection happens later in life, it can reactivate this deep wound and make the pain feel much bigger than the present moment.

In this conversation, Susan shares why abandonment healing is different from other forms of trauma healing, the stages we move through after abandonment, and how self-love, inner child work, Adult Chair tools, and a stronger adult self can help us move through the pain and come out more whole, grounded, and connected to ourselves.

Key Takeaways:

Rejection hurts deeply because it can trigger our primal abandonment wound
Abandonment can create shame and the fear that we are not worthy of love or belonging
Susan Anderson’s work grew out of her own painful experience of abandonment
The loneliness of abandonment often sits on top of deeper fear and shame
Ending a relationship can retraumatize old childhood wounds, even when the original wound was subtle
People often create defenses against shame, including people-pleasing, codependency, control, or self-sabotage
Healing abandonment requires awareness, emotional processing, and a loving relationship with the inner child
The adult self can learn to comfort, reassure, and guide the inner child through abandonment pain
The pain of abandonment can become an opportunity for deeper self-love
Strengthening the Adult Chair can help reduce self-sabotage and create healthier choices

Abandonment Wound

An abandonment wound is the deep emotional pain that comes from feeling left, rejected, disconnected, or not chosen. While abandonment can happen through obvious experiences like a breakup, divorce, neglect, or loss, Susan Anderson explains that it can also be rooted in more subtle experiences that leave us feeling alone, unseen, or unsure of our worth.

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