217 – Summer Series: Attachment and Relationships with Silvy Khoucasian

We all have different ways that we connect and bond with others, and in psychology, we call this “attachment style.” For example, some of us are anxious in our bonds, always making sure the relationship is ok. Others of us pull away when we feel we are getting too close with someone else. Our attachment style is HIGHLY influenced by our childhood and how we bonded with our caregivers growing up, and it’s so important to understanding how we interact in our adult relationships! 

In this episode, I interview the incredible Silvy Khoucasian, a relationship coach and attachment style expert, about the different attachment styles and how we bond in relationships. Understanding your attachment style can be one of the most helpful tools for understanding how you show up in relationships and seeing the patterns that you might otherwise be tempted to blame on your partner. 

Listen to discover:

 
• What attachment theory is and why it matters 
• The four attachment styles
• How the different attachment styles interact with each other
• How your attachment style creates patterns in your relationships today
• How to set boundaries for each attachment style
• Repairing shame and moving forward in relationships

It was such a joy having Silvy on the show as she breaks down attachment theory in a simple, easy-to-understand way. As Silvy reminds us, our attachment style is not our fault, and it’s important to be gentle with ourselves as we learn and heal these patterns. Everyone is deserving of love and capable of having secure, healthy relationships no matter their attachment style — but it’s up to us to do the work! I hope this episode helps you on your journey towards healthier relationships. 

“Along that journey, it’s important to start reflecting on, ‘What are some ways I can start to bring healthier behaviors into the picture?’ or at least, ‘How can I communicate the tendencies that push people away or block connection?’” – Silvy Khoucasian

“It doesn’t matter who we pair with as long as both people are willing to see their unhealthy behaviors…it takes both people being really honest about those things.” – Silvy Khoucasian

“Starting to pay attention to whether our boundaries are serving us or if they’re actually getting in the way of the kinds of relationships we want can be really helpful and can be paired with certain attachment styles really well.” – Silvy Khoucasian

“As you do the thing that’s going to help you heal it, it’s going to be uncomfortable.” – Silvy Khoucasian

“You have to know yourself, then you have to be able to tell your partner who you are and what you need. We react instead of expressing, ‘Hey, this is what I need.’” – Michelle Chalfant