292 – Boundary Help at the Holidays with Sharon Martin

Staying in our Adult Chair and setting boundaries can be especially difficult at the holidays. Pressure to attend events or spend money, uncomfortable conversations, holiday traditions and gatherings of family and friends that might not normally get together can create plenty of scenarios that test our boundaries (not to mention the  “shoulds” and guilt the holidays can bring!).

It doesn’t surprise me one bit when my inbox lights up with questions about boundaries this time of year.

So, I enlisted the help of today’s guest, psychotherapist and boundary expert Sharon Martin, to help me answer your questions about how to flex your boundary muscles this time of year — and anytime!

We talk about how to navigate guilt and defensiveness when it comes to boundaries, helpful boundary statements and all kinds of practical tips and tools for setting boundaries at the holidays.

Listen to discover:

• What a boundary is
• Why boundaries can actually lead to better relationships
• Why we sometimes feel guilty when setting a boundary (and how to work through this)
• What to do when someone doesn’t respond to your boundary
• How to lower the defenses of the person you’re setting a boundary with
• Why boundaries are an important form of self-care

Boundaries are not something you have to master overnight. I didn’t wake up one day suddenly good at setting boundaries either – but when you start slowly and build and build, you CAN learn this…and everybody needs to learn it, because boundaries are part of our self-care!

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by holiday boundaries, pick one or two to start with – a “no” to a party, a political topic you don’t want to discuss or a gift budget. You’ll bring a little extra sanity to your holidays and give yourself great practice for year-round self-care.

“One way we can think about [boundaries] is as a dividing line.” – Sharon Martin

“You can actually have better relationships when we are able to set boundaries.” – Michelle Chalfant 

“We don’t need to wait until the uncomfortableness is completely gone for us to set the boundary.” – Sharon Martin

“Boundaries and confrontation are not the same thing.” – Michelle Chalfant 

“Boundaries are really based on needs.” – Sharon Martin 

“It’s always about staying connected to yourself so that you know when a boundary is necessary.” – Michelle Chalfant 

“Don’t extend yourself to others so much that you’ve lost sight of what you need on the inside.” –  Michelle Chalfant

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