One of the things I get asked about the most is how parents can help their children grow up to be healthy adults. How do you set your kids up to naturally slide into their Adult Chair, while they are still literally children and adolescents?
I decided to put myself out there and talk with my son, Blake – who is now a young adult and coaching clients of his own – about his experiences growing up and what he believes is most important in helping kids get into their Adult Chairs.
In this vulnerable and authentic conversation, we talk about both of our experiences during Blake’s childhood, from the work I had to do around my own triggers and codependency to the delicate dance parents need between boundaries and allowing their children to have experiences and make mistakes that shape them.
Blake also shares that most of the young people he works with feel isolated and like they’re not enough, leading them to look for external validation. He talks about how, through honesty, safety and unconditional love, parents can help kids navigate the unique cultural challenges of their time and address the most common questions in every human’s heart: “Who am I?” “Am I loved?” “Am I enough?”
Listen to discover:
- The balance between surrender and boundaries in parenting
- How to encourage your kids to talk to you and open up to you
- Demonstrating unconditional love, even when you have to discipline your kids
- The common thing all young people (and humans) struggle with
- The greatest gift you can give your kids
- How to help your kids feel their emotions
- Some of the unique challenges that kids today are facing, including porn and technology
Blake was growing up during my years of private practice and working with The Adult Chair® model, so I think this is a beautiful story of what happens when parents and children are willing to learn and grow together.
I’m so proud of who Blake is today, and I hope this encourages you that you don’t have to be a “perfect” parent or have “perfect” kids to raise children who become healthy adults – all you need to do is show up with presence, a lot of love and your own Adult Chair.
“Most of the time, people really don’t want advice, but what you can do is just offer what you have to say without an expectation.” – Blake Chalfant
“The culture that we’re raising kids in today is scary in some ways. And is not healthy.” – Blake Chalfant
“We have to surrender, but there has to be a balance of boundaries as well.” – Michelle Chalfant
“There’s a very fine line between things that are gonna really come back to bite them in the ass and then your own projections of how you think they should be.” – Blake Chalfant
“No one feels like they’re enough from a very young age, and we spent the rest of our life trying to fill that void with external validation.” – Blake Chalfant
“I think that’s important too: owning your mistake, apologizing, cause you’re modeling that for the kid.” – Michelle Chalfant
“These beautiful children are with you for a reason.” – Michelle Chalfant
“You can unconditionally love and support your kids while having extremely firm boundaries.” – Blake Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Blake Chalfant Website
Blake Chalfant Instagram
Blake Chalfant YouTube
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Events
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/